Menz Magazine

Dangerous Reasons to Say ‘I Do’

We all want a lifetime of love, support, and faith but sometimes we need a little help. Many of us want to create strong, secure relationships but this isn’t always easy. Relationships take a lot of work, a lot of communication and a lot of compromise. A healthy relationship requires some give and take, but is absolutely within your reach if you and your partner are willing to do the work.

Communication is a key part of building strong relationships and can either make or break the success of your relationship so having the right conversations are imperative to making things work. If you are looking to take the leap of love with the one you love, it’s crucial that you make sure you’re not walking into the marriage for the wrong reasons. Here are six dangerous reasons to say “I do.”

You think getting married will bring you closer

Far too many women and men get lost in the idea that getting married will make their relationship stronger. Getting married can’t save a failing relationship or bringing you closer together. All get married will do is complicate things. It may feel like walking down the aisle will bring you closer in the beginning, but after the honeymoon stage, reality kicks back in. Marriage shouldn’t be used as a tool to manipulate our relationships. When you decide to get married, make sure it’s not for shallow or selfish reasons.

You’ve lowered your relationship expectations

Make sure the person you plan to marry isn’t someone you’ve lowered your standards for. Just because you’re growing in age doesn’t mean you have to lower your relationship expectations. So many singles get lost in the “I’ll take what I can get at my age” mentality that they think they’re not worthy of a partner who meets their standards. Contrary to the belief that you have to compromise your desires with age, relationship partners get better with age. This is because you are generally more established, comfortable in your own skin and know exactly what you’re looking for in a relationship with maturity. This doesn’t mean that you should have an overwhelming list of unrealistic expectations, but you shouldn’t lower your standards just to be with someone.

You’re over dating

You should never rush into marriage, especially if you’re tired of dating. Many of us think there are certain rules of dating we have to follow before we settle down. How many of us have hesitated to pick up the phone and call or text someone because we think we’re supposed to wait until they hit us up first? How many of us pretend to be busy to seem less interested so that the person can wonder about us? If you think with dating comes rules, you’re probably allowing conventional dating expectations dictate your actions in the relationship. As much as we think men and women play relationship games, we’re often the game players and culprits of our own demise. If you want to be the first person to reach out, go ahead. If you want to go out on the second date the next night, go ahead. We get in the way of our own happiness when we limit our actions in an effort to not look pressed or needy. Show the person that you’re with that you really care.

You believe your partner should be your soulmate.

So many people get lost in the idea of soulmates and prince charmings sweeping us off our feet that they prematurely walk into marriages and miss out on the beautiful relationship opportunities right in front of them. Strong relationships require work and build over time. When you buy into the soulmate notion, it can leave you discontent and wondering if you are dating the wrong person because you believe there’s someone better out there. These thoughts can and will cause you to drift from your partner and can ultimately eat away at your relationship. Yes, you and the person you’re with should connect on a soul level, but the idea that every person has a “soulmate” who completes them…They just don’t exist.

You think you’re over the hurt, but you’re not.
There are many couples who walk into marriage before resolving issues in the marriage. Are you harboring feelings of anger, resentment or guilt? These can get in the way of building a happy marriage. Another thing that many people hold onto are feelings of resentment, especially related to cheating. How many times have you heard the expression “once a cheater, always a cheater”? This is one of the most common expressions used by those who have been betrayed in their relationships. For many, this response eliminates trust and the potential to get hurt again. While some people demonstrate patterns of cheating in their relationships, this expression oversimplifies the complexity of why people cheat and whether or not they are capable of cheating again. It’s easy to try to walk into a marriage thinking your thoughts about cheating will go away but the potential to get hurt or hurt someone else exists in all relationships. You need to work through these emotions before walking down the aisle, otherwise these issues will continue to be left unresolved.

You think you need to get married for the kids.
How many times have you heard you should stay together for the kids? Well, there are many couples who feel a sense of pressure to get married for the kids. Getting together for the kids is a reason that some people stay in unhealthy relationships. Instead of giving up on their relationship, they try to keep face for the children’s sake, often compromising their own well-being in an effort to not disrupt their child’s world.

It makes sense that you would want to give your relationship a chance before giving up on it. However, if you’re in a relationship that’s completely unhealthy and dysfunctional, there’s nothing worse for your kids than walking down the aisle. As much as you want to keep your kids away from these unfortunate realities, they can see right through it. It’s not good to say ‘I do’ when it’s compromising the physical, mental and emotional well-being of your children.
Communication is the keystone to a great relationship. Talking through any fears or concerns you may have will open up stronger communication with your partner. Whether it’s simple questions about the past or understanding your partner’s goals, ideas about divorce and the future, these conversations will bring you closer in the long run. If you’re thinking about saying ‘I do,’ begin having these conversations. They will take your relationship a long way.

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