King Charles
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King Charles strikes deal with Queen’s dresser to keep quite: “The king will sleep in a simple wooden bed”

According to the Mail on Sunday, Queen Elizabeth’s former dresser Angela Kelly has been given a new grace-and-favor house in the north of England after being thrown out of her Windsor lodgings on the condition that she does not expose any more royal secrets.

According to the Mail, a senior Palace staffer working on behalf of King Charles gave Kelly a fresh non-disclosure agreement to sign as part of the accord. According to a source, the deal was essentially a “gagging order,” preventing Kelly from using the phrases “king” and “palace” commercially.

Kelly was expected to release a third book about her royal role, but the agreement may have an impact, if not outright derail it, according to the Mail.

According to the paper, Charles wanted to respect his late mother’s intentions by providing Kelly with a house but also preventing any further royal dish from leaking. Without Queen Camilla, King Charles is headed to rural Transylvania for some R&R. Camilla will remain in Wiltshire.

“The king will sleep in a simple wooden bed, drink hand-pressed apple juice—and maybe even judge the local lawn-mowing competition, as he has done on previous visits,” the Mail reports.

According to the Mail on Sunday, Charles, who is distantly connected to Vlad the Impaler, secretly bought a run-down old farmhouse in Zalanpatak, in the Carpathian Mountains, a few years ago with the help of local landowner Count Kalnoky.

“The property has now been restored with authentic textiles and antiques from the region as well as indoor toilets. But it still retains a simple, Transylvanian authenticity, with heating provided by wood-burning ceramic tile stoves and tap water sourced from springs.” Low on tech, it also gives Charles the opportunity to for lots of walks in the fresh air.

One source told the Mail was the village was “the land that time forgot… There are no private secretaries accompanying him and very little in the way of staff generally, in fact. There’s certainly no valet or chef that travels over with him. The local produce and cooks are too wonderful.”

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